Your Children Are Not Your Children, But They Are Yours to Love
“Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.” These words of Kahlil Gibran remind us of the delicate responsibility and boundless love we owe to the young souls in our care. Today, as Lebanon faces yet another wave of instability, these words feel heavier, more urgent. How do we care for children in times of war, when the world around them seems unrecognizable?
“War impacts us all, but we cannot know how it differs from person to person. Every problem that happens with us is not only based on the current situation. My family and my community also impact my reaction to war,” says clinical psychologist Martina Nehme, who specializes in CBT for children and adults, in an exclusive interview with MTV’s website.
She explains that the effects of war on children unfold on multiple levels. “We have short-term impact and long-term impact. It is too early to talk about long-term effects as things are ambiguous now. Regarding the short-term, we can clearly see an impact on behavior. Kids could face regression, changes in food intake, lack of sleep, and concentration deprivation.”
Emotionally, children mirror the unpredictability of the adult world. “It varies from a child to another and emotions could swing from an extreme to another, just like adults,” Nehme adds.
In this climate of fear and uncertainty, she emphasizes that protecting children’s mental health starts with small, intentional actions.
“We should limit children’s exposure to the news as much as possible,” she advises, explaining that constant follow-up signals the brain that danger is everywhere. She recommends, “Distract them. Play with them if possible, or give them games. We cannot use our brains 24/7; we need to distract ourselves to get a break from the danger signals.”
“Validate their feelings and let them express themselves,” Nehme adds. “If they express fear, we should ask more and validate their feelings. Otherwise, they won’t talk about it anymore.” She also stresses, “It is important for us to express our feelings in front of our kids so they can learn to express their emotions safely.”
To help children articulate their emotions, she suggests, “Drawing, puppets, or Legos can help kids express themselves.”
“It is hard to do so during these times, but we should try as much as possible to keep up with the child’s routine; it gives them a sense of safety,” she explains. While social media is flooded with advice, Nehme cautions, “Don’t listen to everything said on social media. Not all tips are practical or doable for everyone. Don’t take everything by the book. Seek professional help.”
Honesty is key. “It is important for us to tell the child what is going on because we can control what we say. It’s better than them seeking info from their friends,” she says. “We shouldn’t lie or hide the truth from children older than five years, like telling them that the sounds they hear are fireworks, to avoid creating false associations.”
She advises starting conversations with curiosity. “We should ask children: ‘What do you know?’ and then build our answers from there.” She reassures parents that it is okay to admit uncertainty. “Sometimes children ask questions we do not have answers to. It is not wrong to simply say that we don’t know or we don’t have an answer.”
“It is important for parents to show their kids that they are doing their absolute best for the family to feel safe, especially those displaced or near the frontlines,” she adds. “Hug your kids. Tell them that you’re both afraid, but you’ll get through this together.”
Finally, she reminds us, “The most important thing during these tough times is to be kind and put our empathy to good use. Attention spans will be shorter, behavior may fluctuate, and even small details like leaving toys on the ground should be met with patience and understanding.”
Your children are yours to love, protect, and nurture. In times like these, love becomes the most radical and powerful act. It is through this care and guidance that we help them navigate fear and uncertainty. In a world that often feels broken, love is the remedy that binds communities together. Whatever we teach our children today helps them lead the world of tomorrow. So let us teach them values that help build communities. This too shall pass. Hang on tight.
